"Sexual Preferences" Are They Really Transphobic?
Updated: Jan 22, 2020
Content Warning: Explicit sexual content + provocative language!!
Brief r*pe mention - all mentions are censored.
So Arielle Scarcella, the internet's most annoying TERF, just uploaded a new video titled: I Won't Apologize For Being Transphobic, and it is just as infuriating as you think it would be. She's just beating a dead horse for the views at this point. Don't worry, I already watched it so you don't have to. There are a few points she made that made me realize she genuinely has no idea what she's talking about (naturally). I will break these points down here.
Originally I was going to just make a Twitter thread, but I figured I could put more information here, and it'd be easier to read. That being said, many parts to my original thread will be pasted into this blog post.
The first point I want to make is where Arielle and I are in agreement:
Sexual preference and sexual orientation are two different things.
In her video, she gets frustrated that people use the term "sexual preferences" and "sexual orientation" interchangeably because, to her, "preferences" implies that her sexuality is changeable - which it is not.
Here are my definitions of sexual preferences vs. sexual orientation:
Sexual preferences are sexual acts: vaginal penetration, anal penetration, oral stimulation, clitoral stimulation, penile stimulation, masturbation, etc.
Sexual orientation is a fluid spectrum of identities based off sexual attractions unrelated to but often correlated with sexual preferences: heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, asexual, queer, etc.
Unrelated meaning: they do NOT dictate or inform each other.
Correlated meaning: they can often be intertwined.
Okay, with that being established, here is my response to Arielle and other TERF cis lesbians:
Hey cis lesbians, no one is saying you have to take a dick up the vag to prove you're not a bigot. You're allowed to solely like vaginas!!
Just stop saying trans women are men.
That's literally all we ask.
Also, for the record:
If your concern is not wanting vaginal penetration, you would tell your trans girlfriend you don't like penetrative sex the same way you'd tell your cis girlfriend.
(Cis women can have fingers and dildos, y'all).
Communication is necessary in all sexual encounters and environments. This isn't new information when you're dating a trans person. Communication is still key - you just might be having different conversations.
(ie: two people with vaginas don't typically need to have a pregnancy talk whereas someone with a penis having sex with someone with a vagina might have a pregnancy talk!)
CONSENT DEMANDS THAT ALL FORMS OF SEXUAL ACTS AND INTIMACY HAVE SOME FORM OF SOBER COMMUNICATION.
If you don't consent to something, guess what, you don't have to do it!! You're allowed to feel comfortable during sex!! NO ONE believes you deserve to feel uncomfortable during sexual intimacy. That is what TERFs are saying that trans activists are arguing. Truth is, we DO NOT believe that cisgender lesbians should be tortured with sex they aren't comfortable with????
If you don't consent to it then it's fucking r*pe and I can guarantee no trans activist is pushing for trans women to r*pe cis women.
TERFs seem to be fixated with the idea that trans activists (specifically trans women) are "forcing men into women's only spaces" - who knows if the argument will ever end and they'll finally realize trans women are just trying to live their lives? Sigh.
(Side note: trans women can have bottom dysphoria that makes them not want to perform specific sexual acts anyway??? Maybe penetrative sex causes some women to have body dysphoria??? Ever thought of that??? No you did not. Also, perhaps not every single trans woman in the world wants to fuck you???? Ever thought of THAT???? Also no.)
Stop acting like all pre-op trans women just desperately wanna stick their dicks inside you. No one is supporting the idea of pressuring sex or committing r*pe?? WTF??
Also, if you don't want to fuck a trans woman, odds are she doesn't want to fuck you either???
As a trans person, I would ONLY want to have sex with people who want to have sex with me and are accepting and supportive of my transness. If someone hates the idea of having sex with trans people or is disgusted by us, I can guarantee I don't want to have sex with them either.
You're allowed to want the type of sex you want!! You're allowed to feel comfortable during sex and crave sex that makes you feel comfortable!! If eating out vagina makes you feel super sexy, have fun!! If fingering a vagina makes you feel on top of the world, clip your nails and have a blast. You're allowed to consent and you're allowed to say no. No one is forcing sex onto you. YOU are the one with the distorted sense of reality where you paint yourself as a victim that is being pressured into sex.
When people call you transphobic, it's either:
(1) because you're invalidating cis lesbians and their trans girlfriends by claiming cis lesbians who do have sex with trans women are not real lesbians,
(2) claiming that lesbian trans women are not real women - rather, men trying to invade women-only spaces, or
(3) Generalizing trans women by saying in general that you would not date a trans women simply because she is trans and you find transness inherently disgusting.
Really, all we want is for you to realize this:
You're allowed to solely like vaginas.
Just stop invalidating other people who want other things.
(ex: cis lesbians + their trans girlfriends, trans lesbians + their cis girlfriends)
We trans activists literally just want you to stop invalidating their gender by othering them in discussions of gender. Trans women are women. Stop spreading misinformation and horrendously calling trans women "predatory men" okay??
Is that too much to ask???
Stop invalidating trans lesbians who are dating cis women and cis lesbians who are dating trans women.
You're allowed to want the type of sex YOU want, but you're NOT allowed to decide the validity of someone else and what they want and/or experience.
In conclusion, we do not care that you like vaginas. You are allowed to like vaginas. Have fun having consensual sex w people that have vaginas!!
Just stop saying that vaginas = womanhood and invalidating the relationships + identities of others!!!!